11. Back and forth

Monday was a rather relaxing day, teacher as well as students still had to warm up. Tuesday was a bit more alive already. We had defence against the dark arts that morning. “ok” our professor said. “ the best defence spells come when you really are attacked, I guess nearly everybody is capable of calling the protego-shield. And everybody is already capable to unarm with expaliarmus I guess? so we’re going to form pairs, this is a simple exercise, everybody should be capable of doing this, ok? Now, Dumbledore likes to see cooperation between the houses, so we’ll mix you. Uhm, well does anyone has a particular someone he or she would love to work with, from the other house of course, anyone? See it like this, you can try to perform better then your partner.”
I didn’t know what to do, I’d loved to work with Draco, but people would kill me if asked for it.
“Well I can see you’re all not as cooperative as I had hoped! I’ll have to divide you in pairs then. Let’s see.. Ahh miss Granger come on up her please.” Hermione walked towards their professor. “ Well anyone of the Slytherins? C’mon don’t make this to hard for me.”
“oh yeah I’d love to work with the mud-blood!” Parkinson yelled sarcastically “ like any Slytherin of all time” the Slytherins all laughed.
“Very well then Parkinson the two of you are the first pair” both girls began to protest, but without any results. “ok who’s next ahhh Harry Potter, who wouldn’t like that? No-one? Malfoy maybe?” my heart stopped beating. As I looked to Draco, I caught a glimps of his eyes, who stared at me for just a second. “uh, what? Me with Potter?” he spat on his old disgusted tone. “Why Malfoy, prefer someone else?”
“anyone!”
“someone in particular?” I realized he must have noticed our reaction and I subtle looked at Hermione, she hadn’t noticed.
“cause if you can give me in name in particular, you can work with this person, else wise you’ll work with Harry” the professor continued.
“uh I don’t care, just not Potter or his Weasley-friend!”
“a name or Potter Malfoy.”
“I don’t care”
“Potter then?”
“No, damn it. I don’t know, Dhanes for instance, I know she’s more social then her famous friend is.” Malfoy had just looked trough the class and I happened to stand close to him, which was incredibly useful.
“Dhanes? Malfoy”
“yeah” he said with brutality in his voice.
“Why Dhanes, Malfoy?”
“why not? We cooperated just fine in potions”
“ok Dhanes and Malfoy it is, who for Potter?”
By the time class was over everyone just was divided into pairs. “next time we’ll work in these very pairs!”
“lovely done” I whispered when I passed Malfoy. He smiled subtle.


After lunch we had to go to potions. I was walking next to Hermione and we were walking behind Harry and Ron. They didn’t seem to notice I was quiet, I was afraid and yet curious to what would come next. They just talked and wined about what would come next. “seriously Ron if you don’t believe me..”
“yeah, well you don’t believe me either”
“guys!”
“well, why don’t we suggest to exchange partners? You work with Crabbe and I’ll work with Goyle, so we get to see ourselves who’s worst ok?” Harry finally decided.
“ok” Ron said arrogantly.
“Hah, I always like it when students take initiative themselves.” A rather amused voice said.

Snape knew the boys would rather work with anyone else then their four, maybe four biggest enemies at Hogwarts: Malfoy, Goyle, Crabbe and Parkinson. He knew these four students couldn’t stand the four students standing in front off him and the other way around. He had been rather surprised when Malfoy and Dhanes decided to get more then along. But he had understood it must have been tough to be alone, so he had forgiven them. Potter had just brought up a spending idea, maybe he could switch Granger and Dhanes as well. But when he thought of it, it didn’t seem such a good idea. Dhanes would probably kill or torture Parkinson of humiliation. No Dhanes was a tough one, she had an enormous authority upon her, this was probably what attracted Draco to her. While thinking of this he followed the last students into class.

I went to the back of the class with my three friends, catching only a climb of Draco’s eyes. When arrived in the back we went sitting and Snape came in, “Well well.” The entire classroom was silent, everybody was afraid of Snape, it was one of the tings I admired so much about him. “I told you before the holidays that we would be working in pairs again, didn’t I?” nobody answered because, we all knew it was a rhetorical question. “Well I’ve been doing some thinking about how I can divide you this time and I think that you, mister longbottom need to work with someone with a lot of patience and skills.” I could see at his face he was laughing with Neville, in spite of his cruelness I admired the man, I just couldn’t figure out why. “So I think Parkinson and you will do just fine, she can guide you to make less mistakes. Miss Parkinson if you please.” Parkinson got up groaning silently and walked towards Neville. “ouf, then I’m not with her anymore” Hermione smiled. “so we’ll take it from his order, Parkinson was working with miss Granger before the holidays, I think you and miss Bulstrode will do fine.” Hermione groaned, “ not her”
It was of course commonly known that Bulstrode and Hermione disgusted even hated each other. I knew Hermione disliked Bulstrode even more then Parkinson, but we just more got in touch with Parkinson. Because she liked Malfoy, I realized bittered. Hermione took her stuff and lounged to another table. “Then Bulstrode was working with miss Patil, you can go and work with Nott… Crabbe and Goyle you can exchange partners.” The two looked at each other and It was clear they didn’t understood what Snape meant, so Ron and Harry went helping. I was now along and most of the students had their partners. I saw Malfoy was still not divided, my heart fasten in spite of the fact I knew that Snape would never let us work together again, he had only let two pairs stay the same. And he sure didn’t like what happened during the holidays. “Malfoy…” he doubted I looked quickly through the class, except for me there were only two Gryffindors left. Snape hesitated. He began to mumble and I realized he was looking trough the still possible pairs. “because there’s no other option well enough to cut across, you’ll be a pair with Dhanes again.” My mouth fell open. Draco’s did as well. “What?” I asked. He looked at me “You don’t agree with my methods Dhanes?”
“I sure do sir, sorry I’m just…surprised.”
“sure you are, but you get detention anyway for questioning my authority.”
“What? I didn’t question your authority, I was surprised by your decision!”
“well, then now you have!” he simply replied.
I couldn’t believe it, he hated me, he couldn’t stand me and kicked on giving me detention, what was It that I admired so much in a man so brutal? I realized misunderstanding, confusion and anger were on my face but I didn’t care how I looked. “Sir…”
“And..” He just continued, ignoring me. “because you’re now all divided in pairs were you should be able to more or less cooperate, you’ll both turn up for mistakes one of you makes. Understood?”
Silence went trough the class, but I was filled up with hate. He had put me back with Malfoy, that was more then I could have dreamed of, but he just out of the blue kept giving me detention! “So that means mister Malfoy, you’ve got detention to”
“Sir, I ‘m very sorry, but don’t you think it’s a bit ridiculous that the same people keep getting detention?” I asked, not doing an effort to hide my anger.
“Maybe, Dhanes, these people need to learn how to behave themselves, today and Thursday miss Dhanes and Draco”
“…a..”
“DON’T make it Friday as well.”
I just groaned as I took my stuff and stamped towards Malfoy, who was just starring in front of him. The entire class was looking at the two mad students, who were sitting with there arms on their chest, furiously looking at Snape. The silent lasted until Snape said: “ Class is over, This evening Dhanes, Malfoy, this evening. I through my stuff in my bag roughly. “sorry” Malfoy whispered. But I was furious towards Snape and when I’m furious, I’m out of control, so I just stamped out of the classroom, not towards my next class, but towards the common room, I didn’t care if I’d get only more detention. I was pissed of so badly, I got in the common room and screamed then I threw my bag on my bed and knocked the wall several times. “Joan?” I turned as quickly as I was capable of in this state of anger. Hermione was standing in the door opening, looking scared and with almost terrified Ron and Harry behind her. I was breathing loudly and started to calm down a bit. “Sorry”
“it’s ok, you’re completely right to be mad.”
“Mad? Bloody hell Hermione I’m afraid of her!”
“RON!” Hermione looked disappointed.
“No Hermione he’s right I freaked out.”
“uhm, sorry but we’re going to be terribly late if we don’t hurry.”
“since when do you care a shit about that Harry?”
“well I don’t know “
“Harry’s right! C’mon” I said, calmer again. And so we split up, cause I had class with the twins.

Luckily Tuesday en Thursday were the days I didn’t gave practice, so I didn’t had to give up practice. So that evening I left the common room, although I’d calmed down since that midday I hadn’t spoken a word after Hermione, Harry and Ron came to my bedroom. So when I left the common room, I didn’t say a word either. I had pretended to be asleep when my three youngest friends explained my three elder friends what happened. Fred had been very worried. Harry and Ron claimed they would never try to get me angry. Hermione was shocked by Snape actions, even though it was Snape. George and Lee were shocked as well Snape’s action as by my reaction. As walked trough the corridor I felt my anger evolving again, by just thinking of Snape.
“Joan?”
I turned around to see Malfoy, I suddenly realized, I’d been mean to him by ignoring him, for him this must be, if possible, even worse. “I..”
“Shht, I know” and we walked on to the dungeons. It was quiet in Snape’s office and I was doing my very best not to look at him, cause I knew I would have to attack him or he would give me more detention even before I had the chance. We cleaned out his office and two hours later there came sound through the so delightful silence. “ok that’s enough thank you. Now if you please, come and sit here for a second. The both of you.”
So Draco and I each took place in a chair at his desk. “Joan, do you know why I gave you detention?” I shivered, I hated the man, I hated him! “Because I doubted you authority?” I couldn’t look at him for the exact same reason as before, so I stared at the table, knowing the anger was clear in my voice. “Haha, please. Miss Dhanes, do you honestly believe that?” now I did look up at him, starting to get furious again. I felt Malfoy’s hand quickly grabbing mine as if he was telling me to keep calm just a little longer. “Why is it Joan that I’ve got the feeling you’re a special girl? I know you would have the patience of an angel if you would have to work with mister Longbottom, but I, I can’t say a word or you get completely out of control, why is that miss Dhanes? You’ve got a lot of authority among your age mates, but why is it that you can’t keep this calmness when you’re defending yourself against me Joan? You’re not afraid of me, I’m pretty sure of that. If I didn’t had the power to give detentions… you wouldn’t listen at me… or though maybe you would, out of respect?”
“I don’t know” I said mad but curious.
“you don’t? to bad then miss Dhanes, to bad. But I’ll find out what it is miss Dhanes, I will. Now of you go and you don’t need to come back Thursday, but if you wonder the same thing, you might want to come anyway.” I searched his face. Nodded my head and left the room behind apart from Draco.
Round the corner, Draco waited for me. I came round the corner and wanted to say something, but he grabbed my arms, turned me around him and pressed me against the wall. I appalled but it all happened fast though tender. As I stood against the wall, his hands still held my shoulders and he looked so deep in my eyes, that it scared me. “Joan… What the hell was that about?” I was confused, what the hell did he mean?
“What?”
“I don’t know Snape talked as if you guys had a special language about something.”
“I understood just as less of it as you did, though.”
“sorry” he turned his eyes down and his hands slide down. Because his hands now were gone I was able to raise my hand. I placed it under his chin and raised his head back up. “that’s ok.” he smiled and I saw his eyes turning a bit wet. I was appalled by that, because Malfoy is the bad, mean and insensitive Slytherin, but also was a bit tendered. “oh Draco, you silly boy and I smiled. He smiled back, while moving his hands, going round my waist and back. My hand, lying under his chin went to the back of his head and we kissed, against the wall in a dark corner, way to close to Snape’s office, but still lovely, maybe because of the tension. We broke our kiss and walked towards the stairs hand in hand. And after a small kissed our paths split and I went to the common room. It was only half past ten when I got in. “Hi Joan, how was it?” Lee carefully asked.
“ok, as always”
“Joan..” I turned my head, Fred was standing in front of me so looked up at him. “What?”
“Nothing, sorry” I lifted one of my eyebrows and went to the table were Harry, Hermione and Ron sat. Ron shivered and shove over when I came sitting next to him. I again lifted an eyebrow saying: “Fine” and I stood up and walked towards the dormitories. I swear I heard Hermione say “Ronald!” But didn’t took the effort to look back and just got in to bed.
The next morning I woke early, so I went for breakfast alone and then sat in the common room to make homework. “Joan?” I looked up at Harry. “What the hell are you doing, I mean djees you’re not making homework before breakfast are you?”
“No I already had breakfast.” I said calmly
“You already…”the expression on his face repeating that was priceless. He sat down in the chair in front of me, I just continued my homework. After a few minutes I realized Harry was staring at me and decided to ignore it, but I soon had to give in, sometimes Harry really had a bloody patience. So I looked up at him, he was looking worried. “what?”
“Are you alright?”
“What the…? What do you think, duhu of course I am I got in to bed early and so I got out early as well.”
“ok, fine” he held his hand up to stimulate that. Who am I kidding I thought, they’re going to find out soon, they will! And they wont like it. “Morning Joan, Morning Harry” Hermione said cheerful, she looked at me, quiet surprised, but didn’t say anything. “moaoni” Ron yawned.
“morning” I mumbled.
“morning.”
“morning, c’mon let’s go for breakfast.” The three of them walked towards the door. “don’t you come?” Hermione asked.
“already ate”
“ok”
“she’s really starting to freak me out!” Ron whispered just loud enough for me o hear it.
“Ronald!” So they left the common room. A bit later Lee came down. “Morning”
“Same to you”
“what are you doing?” I turned the paper towards him. “Joan! That’s for next week! We’re Wednesday morning! How long have you been sitting here?!”
“I don’t know, I went to eat and then came back, had to do something.” the twins got down and after Lee sketched what I was doing they forced me to go to the great hall with them. When we got down, Hermione looked a bit hurt, but Ron and Harry just looked confused. “I thought you already ate?” Harry asked.
“I have” I answered and the two boys looked even more confused to each other.
“We forced her.” George explained.
“You can force her?” Harry’s eyes widen.
“Wohow” Ron gasped. I couldn’t help laughing, “oh my god Ron, I’m not a monster!”

After breakfast we still had some time and so we went to the common room. After half an hour we went to class. Wednesday went on pretty well. And that evening we had practice. The sun was just fading as I walked on the pitch, followed by the Weasleys, Harry and Ned. I had been thinking for a long time how I could make practice even harder and the team would even get better, because in two weeks we had our second match, against Ravenclow. “ok, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.” I said after we gave some passes. “we’re up to a new exercise.”
“wohoow!” Ned shouted, damn that boy is really enthusiastic.
“alright!” Harry said. Fred en George just grinned and Ron clearly was still a bit afraid.
“Harry, you’re still a bludger. But Ned and Ginny, we’ll pass the Quaffle to Fred and George, who’ll knock it to the pitches. Ron you catch.”
“Say?”
“Yeah, Harry, Ned and Ginny you’ll be fast, Fred, George, you’ll aim, Ron catches, you don’t need to practice at that anymore I guess.” I added towards Ned and Ginny. I could see everyone liked the idea except Ron, but he was more afraid of me getting angry then of the strength of his brothers. A few minutes later he devised. “Joan! Are you tying to get me killed?”
“haha c’mon Ron it’s not a bludger!” But I knew the twins took every chance to hit Ron. So after a while I whistled. Let everyone take a shot at the pitches and then left the pitch with my team. When we got back in the common room I felt tired and went to bed, ignoring Harry’s strange look. He should know!
The next morning Hermione wake me up. “Joan, what’s the matter?”
“huh?”
“you’ve slept a lot you know that right?”
“ow yea, guess so”
“hurry, or you’ll be hungry today!”
“ok ok” and so I quickly went for breakfast, but only because Hermione wanted me to, I didn’t felt like eating. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I followed them absent to the next class, only when we got there I realized this was defence against the dark arts. We got in and went sitting at our desk, not realizing to soon, we’ had to work in pairs today. “So” our professor started. “I hope everyone still knows who’s his/ her partner for today.” Hell forgot a second, but I sure knew who was my partner. “please go to your partner.” our professor pushed us weary. So student stood up and walked towards each other. I smiled at Draco and suddenly felt all light in my head when he smiled back. I missed the holidays. “we’ll just do expelliarmus and protego to start today, ok? Now off you, do not hurt each other, and only expelliarmus and protego as I said. Of you go”
I nodded towards Draco to express he could start. “expelliarmus!”
“protego!” My wand flew out of my hand, but didn’t go far, my shield was half affective. “expelliarmus!”
“protego!” Now Draco’s wand came two centimetres out of his hand. “expelliarmus!”
“protego!” both wands flew away and now his wand was in my hand an mine in his. He grinned, “Well well” I just laughed as response and didn’t hide it when Hermione looked at me. After classes of the morning we went to the great hall for lunch. Ron and Harry didn’t complained about Goyle and Crabbe anymore, this was either because they didn’t want to commit they were just as bad, or because they were afraid I’d get mad again. But when the twins came sitting between the boys and me and Hermione to tease their little brother, Hermione looked at me and nodded her head. “What was that all about?”
“Say?”
“Malfoy”
“What?”
“c’mon, I looked as if you and Malfoy were bloody friends!”
“Hermione, you, off all people!” I knew I didn’t need to finish that sentence.
“Yeah, well I’m just worried!”
“Worried? Worried?! Bloody hell Hermione!” but we quit the conversation when Lee came near. “hi girls”
“ hi Lee” I answered and then I walked towards the common room, leaving my surprised friends, Who al looked at Hermione, she blushed but just ate on.
That afternoon we had potions, just to irritate Hermione I’d almost kiss Draco when we got in class, but I controlled myself. I knew if I did that I wouldn’t just scare Hermione of, but all my other friends as well, and probably mostly Fred. I’ d have to kill myself if I lost my friends! Maybe Hermione was right after all. ”Hi” I startled
“Hi” Malfoy smiled at me, clearly he enjoyed this morning and lost his carefulness. So as he sat down I remembered him, by telling of Hermione. He lifted his eyebrows and nearly stopped a blaming and shocking sentence.
The lesson was quiet and I answered all Malfoy’s questions about that evening whit a “I don’t know yet.” when class was over and we were putting our stuff away he asked a last time: “are you coming tonight or not? I need to know, Joan.”
I looked up at him as I decided. “Ok I’m coming”
“good”
Because I told him I would, there was no turning back, although I questioned my decision more then once. So that evening I left the common room quickly, before anyone could say anything, I was nervous. What would happen? At the stairs I walked in on Draco, he’d been waiting for me. “Hi”
“hi”
“nervous?”
“yeah, why are you here?”
“Snape’s new view of partner working and detention.” he smiled. “that and the fact that I’m curious.”
“not the only one”
“nope and clearly Snape is to”
“Uhu” he grabbed my hand to comfort me as well as himself and we walked towards the dungeons. I realized lightly we didn’t kiss because we were nervous and a bit scared of what would come next. As we knocked on the door a familiar voice replied our knockings. “come in.” as we did. “Ah miss Dhanes! I’m very happy to see you’ve come!” and he actually did seem happy, for Snape’s norms of course, he didn’t smile, but I saw a sparkle in his eyes for a second. “But” his eyes became cold and dark again. “I’ve to go to professor Dumbledore, can’t you come tomorrow?”
“uh. I’m sorry but we’ve got practice”
“o yeah of course, next week then? Just in a week?”
“ok”
“very well, now if you excuse me.” I stepped backwards, towards the door. And followed by Malfoy and Snape I stepped in the corridor. “well uh see you guys in class tomorrow” Snape said, then he turned around, leaving to Dumbledore. “hmm ok well uh” Draco started.
“yea”
“we also turned to the stairs. Holding hands we reached our split point, still holding my hand he turned towards me. “next week..?”
“I’ll go”
“ok, so will I” then his free hand went for me neck. Kissing him did make me feel like I’ in heaven I thought when I walked towards the Gryffindors common room couple of minutes later. “Joan!!!” six voices sounded trough each other when I entered the common room. “What happened?”
“Why are you here already?”
“already or still?”
“o my god Joan, he’ll kill you!”
“will or did!”
“Guys! I don’t understand you when you all shout like that but I guess this will answer all your questions: Snape had an appointment, my detention is now next week.”
“ohh” a lot of understanding sounds now came to me and I had to smile. The next day I spent my entire morning and a big part of my afternoon with the twins and Lee. But my two last hours class of the week were with my younger friends. “hi” I said when they got in the corridor. I always was the first Gryffindor, because the others had astronomy the hour before. The Slytherins however were always pretty quickly at the classroom, but I never came close, I couldn’t start anything against an entire class. What I did, was watching Draco from a distance. He most of the time entertained the entire class. Sometimes I caught myself at laughing for something I wouldn’t laugh with at all normally! But sometimes I got a really weird feeling, the feeling I hated this Malfoy, the feeling I wanted to smack him in the face, tell him to act normal and kiss me. I didn’t of course but I felt so torn I didn’t know what I felt for him anymore, until we got to our seats and he subtle gently stoke my hand, then I knew I still loved him. Deep countersigned in my thoughts of this I was appalled from the voice behind me.
“Hi Joan”
“oh hi guys” I smiled uncomfortable.
“Why the hell did you scare so much?” Harry asked with a rather weird face.
“I was away in my thoughts” I smiled.
“ok then” Ron said and he did this weird face he always did instead of rolling with his eyes. He looked to the floor and spread his eyes wide open.
“come in” suddenly the professors voice sounded. And so we got in, Draco’s hand softly stroke mine and I smiled. “We’re going to do more complicated duels, but I first want that you all currently are. So first I’m going to check that ok, you’ll all do the same as last week and I’ll walk through the class.” so we started, but I wasn’t concentrated and Draco’s expalliarmus hit me quite hard so I lost my balance and fell over. Draco immediately sat near me “Sorry” he whispered, but then got on his feet as quick as he could “ might want to find a weaker contestant, Dhanes.” he said while he looked disgusted although reaching my a hand. I played the game along and hit his hand so it went out of my space to get back on my feet. I grabbed my wand and moved quicker then I thought I could my self “expelliarmus!” Draco fell. I walked over towards him “Say what Malfoy?” and I reached out my hand, he at his turn turned it away and got on his feet. The entire class looked when Draco sent his second expelliarmus. But I was quick and ready this time “Protego!” a loud sound went trough the class, while a very strong Malfoy spell hit my strong shield.
“Well well, most impressive” the professor concluded when the same thing happened the other way around. “you both are very strong and excellent contestants!”
When class was over Draco and I turned out to be one of the only pairs that stayed the same. “ok class is over, you can all go to your next classes. Euh Dhanes and Malfoy could you wait here a second?” I looked at my friends getting out the classroom, while I stayed behind. When he’d made sure everyone had left for his next class the professor turned to us. “I’ve seen an extremely amount off power by the two off you, now we’re going to start with harder spells and I want to be sure you guys don’t hurt each other. Now I certainly don’t want to put you against anyone else, because the only one coming close to your powers is Harry Potter and well I don’t need to continue.”
We both nodded our heads “I’ll be careful on him.”
“humpf, I’ll be careful on her.”
“ok I trust you on that” We nodded again and left the room. When we got round the corner we both at the same time laughed. His eyes twinkled as he looked at me. I put my arm around his waist and he laid his hand on my shoulder. So we walked down the stairs, towards the dungeons. When we got at the door we released each other and I knocked on the door. “Come in” and so we did, followed by Malfoy I looked at Snape, it was clear he had gotten an explenation so I walked on towards our desk. When class was over, everybody waited at Snapes sign. “Have a good weekend” he mumbled. I suspect he’s forced by Dumbledore to say that.” Harry grinned when we went for the common room. That evening we had great practice, I ran out of creativity for new exercises. After practice I told my team they did great and we’d have a second Gryffindor-Hufflepuf in the Gryffindor-Ravenclow next week. I did some homework and went to bed. I decided I wanted a quiet weekend so I tried to keep out of the twins and lee’s neighbourhood. But it was as if those guys looked for me “Hi Joan, can you help us?” Saturday morning and George already needed me for his homework, an hour later. Lee told me they were going outside, I just smiled and nodded as an answer, but Fred told Lee I was coming to. He took my arm, pulled me up and out of the common room. We went sitting under the tree, I was with Draco in my thoughts. My friends didn’t notice so I quietly thought back. I’ve been at his home, I’ve spent new year there, god what was I doing? “Joan?”
“huh?”
“are you ok?”
“yeah just a bit tired.”
“sure?”
“yeah”
“ok then”

We walked inside to have lunch and after lunch I went to my room and went laying on my bed. Here only Hermione could bother me. But she wouldn’t I knew, she went to Hagrid with Harry and Ron. I appalled when someone knocked the door. “yeah” I answered and almost fell out my bed of surprise when Fred came in. “What are you doing here?..And how do you get here?” I continued as I grabbed my bed, first to make sure I didn’t fell then to sit up. “Well, there aren’t many places George and I can’t get in.” he smiled. I was surprised in spite of the fact that I knew what he meant. “I wondered if you’re ok” he said carefully when he came in the room and softly closed the door behind him.
“uh yeah I’m fine” I answered a bit surprised, but also nervous.
“sure?” he asked and with those words he came closer.
“yeah I guess so” I found it a bit of an awkward situation.
‘guess?” he came sitting next to me on my bed. “I’m ok” he looked and searched throughout my face. “really!”
“Joan…” he started and I looked surprised at him. “ I’ve known you for a very long time, I can see something’s wrong.” he looked back up at me when he finished this sentence, because saying it looked hard and he’d turned his eyes down.
“I …I” I didn’t know what to answer and then found an answer anyhow: “I think I’m mad at Hermione to much and to fast, but I can’t resist getting angry, she can be so annoying!”
“ I know, I know” he said and he came sitting more near me, “ George and I feel about her like that all the time!”
“well, you guys don’t get mad!”
“no that’s true, but we just think she’s pathetic and let her be.”
“hmm”
…
“are you sure that’s all?” I looked at him, did he know something? “like I said, I know you.” does that mean he spies me and had seen me and Malfoy, no It couldn’t.
“uh”
“c’mon Joan, you said I’m your best friend yourself, you can tell me.” I wasn’t to sure about that, but answered. “Well I…I” I looked at him, of all people Fred might be the worst person to tell this. “well imagine, you’ve got all these great friends and uh…”
“yes?” he felt I had trouble saying this so his put his arm around me and lifted my head with his other hand. “Tell me”
“I can’t” he clearly was disappointed and I couldn’t bare the feeling of leaving Fred sad. “I think… I… well.. I’m having trouble to understand my own feelings.” he looked surprised at me, I hoped he didn’t misinterpreted that.
“how do you mean?”
“I prefer not to speak of that…yet.”
“ok, come here” he smiled and he embraced me. “ are you going to?”
“”yeah”
“alright” his smile widened, he had a good influence on me, that must be what he thought. He grabbed my shoulder and we went down. At the stairs we ran into Hermione, she lifted her eyebrows “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I was in my bed…”
“not you”
“wow sorry!”
“still got your nose?” Fred interrupted with a played concern. I smiled and Hermione made a rare sound. “So?” she asked.
“I came to get Joan.”
“how did you..”
“you really want to finish that question?” she sighed and walked past us. Fred smiled at me “if you need some help on her, you know were to go to, right?”
“thanks Fred.”
“no problem!” When we got down in the common room four boys looked up, pretty surprised. “Fred!” Lee, Harry and Ron were as surprised as I had been a couple of minutes earlier. George however, seemed rather disappointed he had a I-thought-we-wouldn’t-give-that-away-look on his face.
“o c’mon guys, you know me and George” Fred said to the three boys, who did understand that, but still couldn’t figure out how they did it. Fred continued to his brother, a lot more quiet: “ c’mon you saw she felt miserable as well.” George wanted to respond, but Hermione joined them with the announcement it was time to go to the great hall. And so we left the common room. When we entered the great hall I looked subtle towards the Slytherins table, where I saw Draco was looking at me. I went sitting at the table, my face towards the Slytherin table, I looked at him, and he stared back. As if I was daydreaming and I suddenly woke up I began to pass and take food. While I was eating I realized I sat near Fred and on my other hand sat Ron. I hadn’t realized before these were like fast seats, it must be hurting for Draco, I thought ashamed. I finished eating rather quickly, in spite of the daydreaming and announced I was going to the common room.
“What?” George said on a tone filled with unbelief. “How the hell can you’ve finished eating already?”
“I wasn’t that hungry.”
“Not that hungry?” Lee repeated sarcastically.
“no”
“Joan, you nearly ate!” Harry said, clearly worried.
“So, why would I always have to eat a lot? I’m just not hungry.”
“you aren’t getting ill are you?” Hermione asked.
“No, bloody hell and Merlin’s grandma’s underwear! why can’t you all leave me be for a minute!”
“we’re just trying to…”Ron started.
“I’m done as well, c’mon.” Fred said, then he stood up and took my arm. I let him pull me up, feeling all mixed up and depressed. Fred gave our friends a mad look and then walked near me, putting his arm around me, out of the great hall. In spite of my miserable feeling I saw Malfoy getting up and going towards the exit of the great hall as well. “Uh oh” I thought. And when we got down at a left corridor, Fred and I were just quietly walking together. “thanks” I said, but before he could answer, we both were appalled from a sudden voice I knew pretty damn well.
“yeah, thank you, you big red haired joker!”
“What the hell is your problem?!” Fred let go my shoulder and went standing in front of me, with his wand in his hand.
“Yeah, what is my problem, maybe your little girlfriend knows.” I startled from his attack, but while I was supposed to be good at these situations and I nailed anyone just as if there was nothing to it, I couldn’t say a word. It only became worse, when it remained silent. After a few seconds I had to force myself not to cry, no this couldn’t happen, not now! I’m strong I never ever cry! But I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried, prevent a tear to escape from my eye, and as one succeeded, the others followed and before I knew tears fell down on my cheeks, I wanted to hide them, take them away, not show this emotion. In attempting this last I place my hands on my face. Draco and Fred just looked furious at each other, but the Draco’s voice sounded through. “Dhanes?” there was something worried, but though fighting with anger and jalousie in his voice. Fred turned. “Joan.. Are you.. Crying, what’s wrong?”
“not-thing” I mumbled trying to hide my frustrations, but I felt my voice catching. “Joan!” Fred repeated, now comforting and he wrapped his arms around me. “I…what?” I knew this must be hard for him. Draco came near, I couldn’t see his face, but I almost felt his concern. “Back off Malfoy”
“I don’t think you understand Weasley” he responded calmly. And I felt he still looked at me.
“yeah well, what do you know!”
“more then you think.”
“what, you think you got to know her because I was so stupid to leave her with you for more then a week?”
“not exactly” I lifted my head, still catching “Fred..” he looked at me, surprised. “I think he does know.” Now he looked hurt and disappointed. “Say what?”
I couldn’t look him in the eyes, tears rolled down my cheeks, but Fred wasn’t as sensitive anymore. “What?” he asked urgent. “I…I” I looked at Malfoy for help. Clearly against his will he stepped closer towards me and Fred. “There might be something we should tell you Weasley.” Fred looked down at Malfoy, furious, but curious as well. “Joan and I became pretty good friends during the holidays, we had only each other and then you get to know special sides of one another. But as soon as you and you’re brother came back, it became clear we couldn’t be friends anymore and you guys ended our friendship. We should have known of course we only could be friends for a good week, but we got on so well, it fell pretty hard not to get along after woods as well. We tried, but it was hard. When we have defence against the dark arts especially, because the need to tease and laugh is enormous, but well we’ve got the watching eye Hermione.” I continued. Fred stared from the one to the other. “What?…Joan!” he looked disgusted and by that look my anger in stead of sadness came back, but I held it in a moment. Fred realized as soon as he looked at my face he had crossed the line. “I’m sorry”
“I don’t care, you did it again Fred!”
“But, what if this was the other way around? You would act the same!”
“Say?” I asked brutally.
“yeah, for instance if it was me and Parkinson.”
“haha, who’re you kidding?”
“that’s how I feel!”
“no, I mean you couldn’t get it over your heart. Imagine, you and a Slytherin!”
“What?!”
“it’s true!”
“ok, maybe it is, but I thought you hated Slytherin as much as a true Gryffindor.”
“A true Gryffindor? A true Gryffindor, Fred? A true Gryffindor has courage, and what asks more courage then being good pals with a Slytherin?”
“What? O my god! I can’t believe you can give it an interpretation like that!”
“you’re being narrow-minded!”
“yeah and you’re seeing the world to wide and big! Being best mates with Malfoy? It’s a Malfoy! It’s Draco! For gods sake Joan!”
“well now you know why I didn’t wanted to tell you, why I lied to you, why I felt so fucking miserable!” I yelled while the tears rolled of my cheeks. I turned my arm in my face to wipe them off and then run towards the common room. I ran as fast as I could, because I knew, if he wanted Fred was a lot faster then me. I past the common room and immediately ran through to the bedrooms, luckily most Gryffindor were still in the great hall. As I closed the bedroom door I heard the portrait opening. I first thought Fred was to bloody angry to come upstairs, but a couple minutes later I startled of Fred opening the door. His eyes were red of pure anger. “How could you?”
“how could I? How could I?” I stood up.
“Yeah! I can’t see why the hell you’d do that!”
“exactly! you stupid, egoistic jackass! That’s just it! I can’t help it! Do you think I like him for fun? That I like being depressed about it?”
He was a bit astonished for a second. “No, but..”
“thank you” I sighed and I dropped my self on the bed.
“oh Joan… oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize the trouble you were going to! I made it al worse, I’m so sorry” I was grateful for the fact that Fred (other then Hermione) immediately gave in on his mistakes. “it’s ok” I mumbled, “but it’s so hard, for me as well as for him.” I sat on the bed, my back towards Fred, he came sitting behind me. Put his arms around my and pulled my backwards “I’m so sorry” he bowed his head against mine and softly began to swing. “I’m so sorry”
“I don’t know what to do anymore”
“shh it’s ok, we’ll get you through” he answered still holding me against him, softly swinging. I closed my eyes and fell a sleep, which I hadn’t proper done, in a whole while. An hour later Fred woke me “Joan?”
“hmm”
“re you ok?”
“yeah, thanks Fred.”
“ok, nobody has to know yet” he smiled I know how the reactions can be.
I smiled back “thanks”
“no problem, but I suggest you go to sleep early tonight.”
“Quidditch!”
Fred was appalled. “in a quarter.” We both jumped up to get our stuff and rush to the pitch. I thought of Draco, I’d Fred to comfort me… what about Draco?

Still with this in my head I rushed to the common room with my clothes and broom. I didn’t look at my team, which was already waiting. “c’mon” I said quietly and walked straight on to the dressing room, realizing my team was pretty insecure in my actions. Except Fred of course. When we got in the pitch we warmed up with some passes. After this I spoke to my team, something in my voice gave away I’d been crying two hours earlier. “I’ve been thinking and I’d like to say that in spite of our great action last game, we did have a small fault.”
“What? A fault, we were bloody brilliant!”
“of course we were Ned, why don’t you go and fetch the Quaffle?”
“but..”
“I don’t care, Ron go to the pitches, Harry…it’s time to bring up the snitch.” I smiled at him and saw the happiness coming of his face. “Fred, get a bludger and the bludgeons.” he wanted to protest, but didn’t after seeing my face. “We’ve got a fault Joan?” George carefully asked. I looked at him, nodded and then nodded to Ned. “We’re al one big team, we’re al friends and family and Ned doesn’t fit in this category…I’m afraid We’re playing as a team and Ned, only a bit though, but we could be better.”
“Damn it Joan, how do you see that?” Ginny asked. I didn’t saw her that much, because of my already dispersed friend groups, but when we hung out, just for some minutes we got along great. I smiled at her. “Ginny” George said thoughtful. “You’re in his year… may be you can help?” I looked at Ginny, excited.
“well I already talk to him and all, but ok, I’ll do my best!”
“thanks Gin!” and I put my arms around her.
“oh! I’ll do my best to” George laughed. He made me feel happy, which caused I almost gave him a hug, instead I gave him a daring look. “Go to your brother and pass the bludger.”
“ok”
“c’mon Ginny” We had a rather good practice, everyone was constantly playing and doing his own thing. When we got to the common room a little while later, I went straight to my bedroom, noticing Fred’s eyes followed me till I closed the door behind me. So the next morning, Sunday morning, I did actually had a quiet morning.
When I woke up Hermione already left the bedroom, so I decided to pass breakfast, I was thinking of Malfoy, what we did, what we would do, how this would be… half past eleven I skulked out of the common room and went to the pitch stage. I went sitting there, in the hope no-one would find me here and tried to concentrate on the homework, I decided it would be better not to think of Draco, but I wanted to be alone as well. A couple hours later I heard voices, when I looked up I saw the Slytherin team coming in the pitch. I remembered I and Draco had switched the practice of today (two to four) with the yesterday evenings practice, because half of the Slytherin team couldn’t make it Saturdays evening. I was happy Fred didn’t ask why practice was changed in time, he would have been just too sad. I saw Draco walking in front and kept looking at him and his fascinating movements. They warmed up and began to practice when one off the Slytherins suddenly shouted to Malfoy: “captain! There’s a Gryffindor spying!” I rolled my eyes, a lot of Slytherins were really stupid! I saw Malfoy looking and shaking his head, “no that’s not a spy dummy! Now play on!” he looked at me and smiled. He was actually real good with a broom, Gryffindor didn’t see that because they hated them and Malfoy mostly was exaggerating, to be better then Harry, which caused he made terrible faults, but as I looked at him flying, he was good. After watching him flying for two hours I heard him saying to his tam “I’ll clean up, you go to the showers” he put the balls in the box and while he did that, his team left the pitch and I stood up, took my stuff together and walked down. As soon as he had putted all the balls in the box he came towards me I threw my books at on of the benches and started to run towards him, he also started to run, not thinking of the fact that someone might be looking we ran towards each other. I didn’t feel like stopping, nor did he and so we ran right into each others arms. I threw my hands round him shoulders and grabbed him as tight as I could. His strong arm almost broke my ribs as he held me against him as tide as he could. I was entirely against him our heads laying on each others shoulders. “oh I’m so sorry” I sighed.
“it’s ok I know…it’s not that important” he smiled. “ I love you.. That’s important.”
I looked up at him and smiled we loosened our grips a bit and I lifted my head to kiss him. but I only pressed my lips against his a second, then quickly look around to see if there was no-one else around. Then I pressed my lips against his again. Then we walked with our hands around each others waists towards the stage to get my books and then we cleaned up the balls box. Then he went to the showers and I decided to wait in a dark corner. When he was all cleaned up we walked some rounds on the pitch, just talking and enjoying the moment…together. Then we went to the great hall, but went inside each apart, leaving a space of two minutes, to mislead George. When I got at the Gryffindors table Fred jumped up “Joan!” Now George, Lee, Ron, Harry and Hermione jumped up as well “Where the hell have you been?”
“yeah, like all day long!”
“I’m sorry I wanted to be alone a bit.”
“pff! you made us worried!”
“well, I’m sorry” I said a bit offended and we sat down, I knew Draco had followed the entire thing.
“but where have you been? I mean we couldn’t find you” Fred said worried.
“yeah and if we can’t…” George added half joking.
“does it matter?” I asked brutally while I took the meat. and no-one responded. That evening I again went to bed early. So the next morning I was awake before Hermione and I went o the great hall as soon as I got dressed. When I got there the Gryffindor table was still empty, as were the other tables. I slowly began to realize it must be very early, but I still appalled as I saw it was half past four! I probably was the only one awake at entire Hogwarts. I didn’t feel like going back to the Gryffindor tower and I couldn’t go outside. So I began to wonder down corridors I had never been before, mostly in the neighbourhood of the slytherin tower. When I appalled from a voice behind me “Joan?”
I turned a round to see Draco standing there in his shorts. “uh”
“what the hell are you doing here?”
“well I..” I suddenly realized this was hard to explain, but he understood me “wait here.”
“ok” and so I did a few minutes later he came back wearing clothes instead of his shorts, showing his muscular body and legs he putted his arms around my waist and we walked trough the corridors. A little while later, after walking with his hand round my waist and my head on his shoulder I asked whether he knew what time it was.
“six o’clock, a bit later”
“hmm, time to go?”
“yeah” no-one was in the great hall yet so we walked in together, each going to our own table. I began to eat and people began to fill the hall. “morning” Harry said, still pretty sleepy. “morning” I easily responded.
“whoanging” Ron yawned.
“morning” I smiled. And they also began to eat. I finished quicker, but stayed at the table.
“o there you are!” Hermione’s voice said. “Good morning”
“same to you.” and Hermione greeted the boys as well. Shortly after, the twins and Lee got in and the “morning”-s got through a whole passage. The rest of the day was rather easy. As were the following days, although it was getting harder and harder in defence against the dark arts.