31.Moment of truth

The first of August Dumbledore arrived in the burrow, and the only members not knowing of it yet (Fred, George, Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Lee, who was invited to) immediately sensed something was wrong. But Dumbledore first seated in the coach and drank some tea. After half an hour, in which every person in the Burrow felt uncertain and scared, Dumbledore looked at me and nodded, I nodded back and he did the same with Harry. After that, Dumbledore stood up and gestured for the others to sit down. Molly, Arthur and the other adults made appear some chairs. And in a few minutes the entire living room was filled with chairs, everyone sat close to one another and sat like an audience in front of Dumbledore, who was standing. If he had wanted to couldn’t sit, because the lack of space. “good” Dumbledore spoke as soon as everyone went quiet. “As you all noticed the entire order of the phoenix is present here. So I’d think you already made the link to Voldemort. Well you’re right. Three days from now our beloved Joan will leave the Burrow and start our plan. People of the order, you’re all informed of that already, though I nor Joan can tell you what the purpose of that is, it is important no-one knows, as it is important, and you all know that, that Harry defeats Voldemort.” I felt the concerned looks when Dumbledore went on explaining that he knew there wouldn’t be to much death eaters and it would almost be easy to defeat him. I’d heard the plan over a hundred times the months before, but carefully listened, while thinking how Snape had taught me, in those same months to use occlumenty at his best. I’d been very tensioned, but hearing it over an over again made me relax just a little bit more, I knew the talking over and over again about this had the same effect on Harry, as I glared over to him. After a while Dumbledore had told it all and asked for questions. “yes, Fred”
“professor…eum What exactly do you mean with Joan will start the plan?”
“ah, like I said Fred I’m afraid we can’t talk about, and don’t go asking Joan, Fred, it would only hurt her to not be able to tell you.” Fred now looked at me and I turned my eyes down, which said enough. “any other questions?” I had a question, but didn’t want to get any more attention, luckily, which I should have known, Hermione did. “professor?” Dumbledore now looked at the girl and nodded, with a slide bit of amusement, because he could have foreseen it. “How is Harry suppose to fight Voldemort if he can’t use magic?”
“excuse me?” Harry asked, a bit offended.
“it’s out of school and you, Ron, me, Ginny, Joan?” I nodded, “are still under aged.”
Dumbledore smile “indeed, miss Granger, but Voldemort has his connections and has been smart enough, or stupid enough to give his hiding the same protection Hogwarts has, so the magic that is used in this place, is not registered.”
“How do you know all of these things for sure?”
“I have my sources, but they’re of no importance now.” I knew these very important “sources” were just in all Snape and had to smile a bit.
“Where is Joan going then?”
“we can’t tell you that and it in fact is of no importance.” Dumbledore calmly answered. And after another half an hour all questions were answered and members of the order began to go home. The following hours I was busy refusing to tell anyone about August the 4th, while packing my bags, I let all the precious things behind and only took one extra outfit, for the rest I filled it with stupid things and a letter.
“goddamn it Fred NO I CAN’T TELL YOU!!!” looking into his shocked eyes, my hard and mad expression turned softer. “I’m sorry mate, but I really can’t.” Fred turned his eyes down, “ok” it was the day before I’d leave and Fred now, without looking me in the eyes took my hand and led my to the twins’ room. “Joan…” he started. “I…since I can’t know what you’re going to be doing there, I don’t know whether I’ll see you back..” he swallowed and this clearly was though to him, but I didn’t find the courage to go towards him and put my arm round him. “I…I think I should tell you, because, you know, this might be my last chance and all, so…euhm, you remember I once told you I love you like a sister?” I startled a bit, but nodded, then I realised he didn’t look at me so I had to use my, not at all steady, voice: “yeah”
“well, it was true… but it’s not anymore…I mean” I now really got uncomfortable as he went on. “I …I think I really love you…” as if relieved to finally have said it he looked up to my shocked face and before I could answer he went on. “I know you loved Draco…you still do and stuff, but well, yeah, I thought..”
“oh Fred! I…I didn’t know you…you never…” I now stopped talking to and we stood there, now looking into each others eyes I stepped forwards and gave him a hug he gladly accepted. We stood there for a long time and then I decided to go to bed. Although it was getting later and later, I couldn’t sleep.
“I know you loved Draco…still do…I think I should tell you, because, you know, this might be my last chance…I think I really love you…” I did still love Draco, that was true, but circumstances would make it impossible to stay together and Fred…I might just love him to.
Half past two however I succeeded in falling a sleep. Six hours later a gentle hand on my shoulder and Fred’s voice woke me up. “come and have breakfast, then you can…leave.” I felt his sadness and did something I hadn’t quite expected myself to do. I threw my arm round hi neck, while sitting up a bit from the bed. I touched his lips with mine and the surprised Fred reacted as if waited for years, with kissing me back. I let myself fall back down in the bed, keeping my arms round him. When I broke the kiss he looked at me, only hanging a few inches above me, looking in surprise an misunderstanding, but I only could give him a smile as answer, because it was the only possible answer, since I myself didn’t know why I did it, but did know I’d liked it. He weakly smiled back and got downstairs where I got a few minutes later. During breakfast I kept my eyes strongly at my food, knowing everyone was looking at me. The entire order arrived in the burrow again, they’d all wait for my signal, I remembered myself. Everyone wished me good luck, not knowing what I exactly would be doing. Dumbledore smiled while shaking my hand and he winked. After that I put my bag in the fireplace, took some flew power, stepped in the fireplace myself and called for Mayjin to come with me. I grabbed Mayjin’s fur and made sure the bag was stuck between my feet. Then I threw the flew power at the floor and yelled: “Dhanes place!” I knew everyone was surprised to hear that, but I couldn’t give away Draco was into it as well. And I knew for sure I’d seen Dumbledore smile at it again. Appearing in the fireplace at home I immediately went further to Mansion Malfoy. “Joan!” Narcissa called, I knew she was against using me, she’d always liked me more then Lucius had. I hugged and kissed her and also kissed Lucius and then threw myself at Draco. Mayjin greeted him happily to. “hi there Mayjin” he smiled and I knew he’d forgotten all a second. The whole day long I, Mayjin and Draco hung around, I knew this as well for him as for me felt as a farewell. In the evening at dinner I felt a bit of a tension and tried my best not to look tensioned myself, in which I pretty good succeeded. After dinner Lucius told us to get to bed early, because we’d be going somewhere the next morning. So Draco and I went upstairs followed by Mayjin. When he closed the door behind me, I felt insecure and guilty. I turned around and Draco started kissing me, like never before, if I wouldn’t have known I would now have guessed something was wrong. Instead of asking I kissed him back. This could be our last time together, it probably was, this could be his last time with me in his life, this could be the last time I ever kissed at all. Even if I didn’t die, people, would not at all still appreciate us being together. Struggled in a passionate kiss and sad feelings we fell on the bed, the moments that followed, could not be interpreted by anything else then a last farewell between lovers, between the tears, I as well as him enjoyed each other, held on for each other for the hours we still could…
The next morning Lucius wake us up, I was awake before he got in and was surprised to see, that he was hurt a bit when he saw me laying Draco’s arms. He knew we really loved each other, but he was afraid of his lord. He told us to get down for breakfast. We took quite some time, cause I kissed him again. After a quiet breakfast, during which I constantly looked at Draco and smiled, but he was serious and troubled. Lucius suggested to get ready and when all agreed, we would leave by flew powder. I was happy I could take Mayjin with me, because my fear was coming back now. I first went back upstairs “to get ready”. I quickly combed my hair and took the little piece of mirror Dumbledore had given me, I looked at it for a while and then saw Dumbledore, looking trough the another part of the mirror, being much bigger, which caused me to see even more people, I looked at all of their concerned looks. I, my eye, stood above the fireplace and stared at them, then I, and in the burrow a huge eye turned to Dumbledore and a voice, whispering said, “it’s time, we’re leaving here.” Dumbledore nodded, “I’ll give you half an hour” I nodded and put the little mirror in my pocket. I then looked at the letter I’d put in my suitcase and read it again, not sure if I wanted it to stay there.

I swallowed, but thought of my friends, counting on me and went down stairs. Without any fear, and what must have seemed like out of full trust, stepped in the fireplace.
I stepped out of it, followed by Mayjin in a high dark place, Draco appeared behind me. “Draco, love, where are we?”
“you’ll see” Lucius answered and I grabbed Draco’s hand just to have this last feeling of him. He was scared I saw it, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He couldn’t look me in the eye. I felt a little let down, he was to afraid to warn me, couldn’t even look into my eyes, wasn’t it true love after all? But I looked at Lucius, he was scared to, but somehow seemed pleased, as if he was little child knowing he’d soon get a lollypop. “
“Where’s Narcissa?”
“doesn’t matter” I lifted my eyebrows and knew we’d soon be there, so I just followed Lucius through the dark corridors. “aaaaaaaaah Lucius” a high, cold voice sounded throughout the entire building when Lucius opened the door. I, giving the expression of curiosity now came through the door and curiously looked around, but made my expression shocked seeing a man, lots like a snake standing in front of me. I hadn’t seen him coming so the shocked expression wasn’t hard to keep. He held his head a bit canted while biting his lip. He clearly was interested, I held my breath and kept the same expression, but looked at Draco, who’s eyes turned wet. “good job Draco, good job” I gave Draco a shocked and misunderstanding look and then stared straight into the other one’s red eyes. If he would have had eyebrows he would have raised them. “interesting, Joan” he whispered and I narrowed my eyes, it was easier then I’d thought it would be to look mad into his eyes. “Lucius” he said, while still staring into my eyes. “go to the others and take Draco with you.” the two blond guys left. When they were gone Voldemort stepped back a bit and looked at me, “what do you think Joan?”
“excuse me?”
“of my house?”
“Well it’s a lot like it’s owner.” the expression on Voldemort’s face was hard to read. He turned around with his arms up and I quickly grabbed the little mirror. “this house, Joan, is big, powerful, strong, indestructible…” I looked in the mirror, turned it at Voldemort, put it away and then answered. “not really, I don’t think it’s indestructible...it’s big, yes, powerful, yes, but also cold, dark and at itself.” Voldemort let his eyes go from my face to my feet and back up again. I felt how he tried to get through my memories and thoughts, but blocked him easier then I’d done it with Snape. And Voldemort seemed impressed. He again began to walk around in the room and I non-verbal did Muffliato at the door where Lucius and Draco had vanished. I knew it wouldn’t hold to long since death eaters had their own way of communicating. I, in a strange way, felt I’d only been just in time with the Muffliato-charm. I looked back at Voldemort, who was still walking up and down the room all of the sudden with a surprisingly high speed and the smoothness of a snake, he stood in front of me again, his face inches from mine. But I didn’t blink “you’re a bit brutal, Joan” he whispered.
“some people like that a bout me” his eyes widened again.
“What if I don’t, Joan?”
“then I’m afraid we wouldn’t get along to good” He made a strange, angry sound and then, with his eyes even more red then before he warned: “People don’t get to chose whether they want to serve me or not!” I raised my eyebrows and gave the expression not to be impressed. I saw he was intrigued by me and admired, a bit, my calmness. “the ones who don’t want to serve, Joan, they die, you know that…I’ll give you another chance because I think you’d be great in my service.”
“in your service? I’d only be a traitor among your many scared people.” I said, staring into his eyes, prepared for his attack I just in time avoided the green flash, diving away I de-activated the Muffliato charm and Bellatrix voice drew Voldemort’s attention. “lord! Avada kedavra! Lord! Crucio! Lord please…” but I listened the familiar voiced. Hermione yelled “Stupefy!”
“reducto!” Ginny yelled.
“expelliarmus!” Harry yelled and I bit my lip.
“Stupefy!”Fred and George both at the same time yelled and I was glad to hear that.
Voldemort looked at me, but I acted as if I was as surprised as him, apparently he believed me, but what he did after that shocked me. Draco ran by and Voldemort aimed for him: “Crucio!”
“Aaarrgh” Draco’s screaming went trough my soul and Voldemort looked at me, “love is a weakness, Joan, you need to be strong, you’ll be one of mine I’ll make sure of that! I’ll kill all of your friends if you don’t, but Joan, you hung out to much with Dumbledore for to long, listened to long to his stupid ideas!” he spat, my eyes turned wet a bit when I heard Draco’s moans of pain. “you probably think, just like him that love is the answer to all? I’ll have to disappoint you, Joan! I got you here, because of love it was your weakness” to strengthen his words he gestured his wand and Draco flew to the other side of the room, against the wall, Draco yelled in pain and I couldn’t bare it, I wanted to go towards him, but the only way to save Draco’s life, was proving Voldemort wrong, so I looked back into the red eyes and spat “He betrayed me and I‘ll never serve you, Voldemort” his nose widened and his mouth narrowed, “you don’t want to make me mad!”
“is that so?”
“when I’m mad I feel the need to kill!”
“really? I thought you needed me?”
“hahaha!” he laughed in madness, but he was desperate and scared, so a smug smile appeared on my face.
“what’s wrong Voldie?” I teased. He got madder and madder and in just a few second I felt I’d gone to far and immediately felt regrets, with all my heart…it happened so fast. It was as if Voldemort would explode and in the seconds that followed I was no more then a viewer, who wished nothing more then this to be a bad dream. Voldemort lifted Draco up in the air, higher and Draco’s eyes met mine, while he whispered “sorry” I shook my head and tears welled up into my eyes when I realised Voldemort was to mad to stop now, I ran towards Draco, When standing underneath him tears of me and of him fell down my face: “Draco! NOO stop it, you sun of a bitch!” I yelled to Voldemort, but looked back to Draco before he started talking.
“you see now, girl, see now that he’s your weakness? haha!! What did you think that he was going to marry you? A Gryffindor, I would have gotten between it, you know, I would and could!”
“ no stop” I softly whispered, “Draco!” I pulled my strength out of my sorrow to yell at him. “I...unh…l-l-l-ove...you” he swallowed in pain “…Joan…I..” but he couldn’t finish the sentence, Voldemort let him fall all the way down, I wanted to catch him, but jus out of my reach Voldemort changed Draco’s course and dropped beside me, yelling: “haha, that’s how it’ll always be, Joan! Just out off your reach!” I, sobbing, knelt down next to the shaking Draco and stroke him face.”...always will” Draco continued his sentence.
“Draco? Draco, stay with me baby, I love you! I love you, I do, I do, please” I bowed my head over the nearly death boy I’d loved, even when he appeared to be a pone to get to me. “Joan?”
Yes?” his arms in pain straightened, but I didn’t feel the pain and pressed my lips against his. Then I looked in his wet eyes I, having tears in my eyes to. “I forgive you” I sobbed and didn’t notice Voldemort had come closer, “It only makes all weak” he said. “Avada kedavra!” the shaking body in my arms stopped every movement and felt empty, Voldemort easily turned around and walked away leaving me in the dark room, alone with my death boyfriend and the sound of my friends fighting. I looked in to the open green-grey eyes. I’d loved him from the moment I saw him, this blond boy. He laid there, motionless in my arms, shaking because of my crying. I’d hoped it wouldn’t have come to this, I’d hope he would have turned back home, read my letter, loved me, missed me and cried for me, like I would for him, now it wasn’t my choice to leave him, he’d left me, left the world, I never ever would see his smirk or smile in real again. As I stared in to his eyes, knowing this would be the last time I stroke his face. I’d never accidentally walk in on him, I’d always have to live with the fact that he died at way to young age. Thinking it all I only cried harder and louder, the sobbing now in echo came back trough room. He’d never find the letter, never know that I’d known, never know I was involved as well, and that I loved him for all times. He wouldn’t read my last letter to him, he’d never come back to me, never kiss me again Who’d find the letter anyway? Not Draco…no Draco…Draco is gone, not just gone, death because of me. I grasped for air and went on sobbing of the handsome body, I hugged the body, but there came no arms around me, he couldn’t, even if he would have wanted to, hug me, ever again…ever. I now screamed out my sorrow while softly swinging with Draco’s body in my arms, I screamed and yelled, and swore I’d heard Voldemort laugh “weak! Weak!” but I didn’t care, the person I loved more then anything in my entire life was…death. Someone grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up, away from my beloved Draco, I turned around and fell into Fred arms. His eyes concerned focused on Draco’s body. He let go and closed the eyes I just had seen for the last time.