6. Ten years

Ten years

I wasn’t the most expressive person, but people that didn’t know me, wouldn’t know I was not entirely my strong self as time passed. The world still didn’t know that I was back and it was weird that when summer came, people began talking about me, but didn’t recognize me. The second of august I and the dogs left to my old house, I spent two entire days cleaning it and at the evening of the third I spoke to Draco. “Long time no see, right, love? I know I haven’t been talking as much to you anymore, but I also think you’re not there anymore. You left didn’t you? You left, thinking I moved on and became happy again. You know I’ll be fair, part of it is actually true. Fred is amazing to me…But I’ll never stop loving you, I hope, wherever you are you know that.” I fell a sleep and didn’t dream anything that night. As I woke up I took Draco’s cloak and walked outside, sat on the hill and just sat there, thinking, for hours straight. Mayjin and Garner Howled and tears filled my eyes. As Ploke, his dog in my world, howled along I again screamed along, but there wasn’t the same undefeated scream of pain, like it had been the previous years. It was a rather desperate, confused, sad scream. In the evening I didn’t went inside, but rested seated on the hill. And as if a wise-man of the Indians I sat on my hills, but instead of hallucinating of the future, my thoughts wondered in the past. I never knew how many days or nights passed, but when I finally decided to get up, I went in the house, Draco’s cloak round me, rereading all of his letters. Which I realized I couldn’t entirely remember anymore. I less then a year I had forgotten some words, how many X’s there where a the end of some letters and it scared me. I reread and reread them, until I was sure I was again knew every dot, every X…Realizing I was on the edge of hiding again and be overmastered by my love and sorrow again, I forced myself to put his cloak away. Stroking it once again, before I closed the closet. I pet away the letters and then went back to ‘our’ home. Fred and George apparently thought I’d lost way to much weight on short time I’d been away, but past they Fred could see, could read in my eyes how close he’d gotten to losing me again. He held me and cried along with me. “I’m so sorry” I told him, but he shook his head. “Don’t ever be, Joan! I understand.” The next days were without to much talking and a bit depressed and I realized now, better then ever I brought down the two happiest and funniest guys in the entire world. Not only now, but they hadn’t been there old selves in six years…And tough I felt bad about it, I could change anything about it. For the following four years we kept the same routine the beginning of August I went back to my little place to grieve, but the rest of year it seemed as if we had a new life, but everyone who knew me, knew that I wasn’t entirely in my new life, nor were the twins… In a way it was weird to still feel all this sorrow for a boy, sixteen years old, while living with Fred and being over twenty years old, but I did. Though I missed him, not a day went by without people being surprised of how Fred and I kept the same love for each other we had ten years earlier. On the other hand no matter how much I loved and cared for Fred, no matter how much I enjoyed his kisses and touches, not a day went by without thinking of Draco, of his touch, kiss and smile. And after all this time I still wasn’t who I used to be. There always was a bit of sorrow over me. My friends and family accepted the fact that I wasn’t so full of energy anymore, more importantly, they understood. Other people on the other hand still saw Joan Dhanes as a girl, fragile, but strong that led Hogwarts to victory, challenged the potions master and started a relation ship with a Slytherin and actually made everyone accept it. People saw me as the incredible girl, I might have once been, maybe. But all in all, I had been an ordinary girl, just having goals, wanting to do something and achieve something. Now there is nothing to achieve, I always thought, no goal, no fighting.

So when I actually stood in the shop on a Thursday morning, in the school year, it was actually still rare that I stood there alone. Al thought there weren’t a lot of people not having any school or work. School had started a week ago and it was calm now, but the weeks before it had been busier, because school soon started. I cleaned the shop, but hadn’t seen anyone when George came to tell my shift was over.
At the fifth of November we were shocked by what the radio announced.

“Dear listeners, it is now the tenth year I bring you the news of a rising star gone lost. And I know I actually have been telling you the same quite a lot, but this time it’s different, therefore I want to repeat this first and then continue. Joan Dhanes is know as the girl that led Hogwarts, school for witchcraft and wizardry to winning the word cup juniors. But this is only one of the many skills she had, because apart from the incredible gift of training and Quidditch, she became a symbol of courage and authority. An other small thing to be placed under her name is the defeat of YouKnowWho, because both Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter claim, that without her the entire defeat of Him would have been nothing so easy. It would have took longer, would have caused more damage and above all ad been more impossible. The damage now done as we all know is something that struck her so deeply that she left the world that cared for her and carried and carries her on his hands. But now I have heard from well sources that Joan is back under the living. She after being totally gone for ten years, apparently came back to her best dear friend six years ago. She has moved in with the World famous Weasley twins. How she has been able to hide, nobody knows, but it is stated by this source that Dubledore found her at least seven years ago. So she actually has been able to hide for him for three years. More of this you’ll soon hear, keep tuned!”

I looked at the boys. George jumped up. “Lee…Didn’t he broke up with his weird woman?”
“yeah, but she seemed..”
“yeah, didn’t you listen? HE broke up…”
“that’s so low…”
“Doesn’t matter, the following days will probably be..”
“yes, may be you need to go to the house, you know.” I slowly nodded. And so it happened, until the hysteria had lessened I stayed in the house, in Draco’s cloak.
When I was back for a week or so I stood in the shop on an early morning. A few minutes later the door rang and a customer came inside. I went back to the front and was confronted with something I didn’t expect.
“good morning, Joan” a calm Lucius said. I was to shocked to answer and just stood there. “you weren’t easy to find Joan, for five years you vanished and only five years later I find you exactly there where I started looking.”
“What do you want?”
“now, now, don’t be so hostile, I was your father in law once.” He got me sad, but angry with that.
“get out!”
“Come, come, Joan, I loved Draco as much as you did.” Hearing his name weakened my knees, but a fire inside of me told me that it was this man, offering his son to Voldemort, this man killed his own son for glory, he killed the boy I loved. And it was no less then my duty to protect Draco, fight for him now, even if it was to late to save his life, so I forgot my weakness and replied. I heard Mayjin barking. “The difference is, Malfoy, You loved hi, I still do”
“come come Joan, that’s not nice!”
“Not nice?! You did pure evil and you’ll blame me for being not nice?!”
“he was my son!”
“He is my soul!”
“if you do still love him so much, how come you can spat the name Malfoy like that?”
“Because, he wasn’t a Malfoy, he was anything, but like you! He was not at all proud to be a Malfoy.”
“he betrayed on you, Joan, not on me.”
“What the hell are you doing here?!” Fred furiously asked. Lucius looked up and then smiled at me: “I knew you’d betray him!”
“sorry?!”
“Draco..” and he then nodded at Fred. As if he by a word and a nod stabbed a knife through my heart and twisted it. “I know you love him, Joan, more then you love this lunatic. You don’t want to admit it, but you don’t love the Weasley boy as much as you loved him. Therefore, Joan, you…”
“Fuck off, Malfoy!” Fred yelled, “if you’re not out in two seconds, I’m kicking you out!”
“Weasley..”
“George!” George came in amazingly fast and both brothers took an arm and dragged him out, without to much difficulties.
“Are you ok?” Fred asked gentle when he came back. I just stared at the door while answering: “that’s the first time in ten years I heard his name.” I knew I hurt Fred, but I couldn’t pretend as if it didn’t hurt me. I looked at him, knowing he knew enough and went inside. “I’ll take the shop today” I heard George say to Fred. Fred followed me and comforted me, but after ten years I was able to recover of the shock a bit better, a soul that has been broken, can’t be healed, but it can be tore in even smaller pieces, without enlarging the damage. “What do you think he wanted?” I asked when the twins and I were at the evening table. both boys looked up. “Malfoy” I said to make my point, it was rather strange, but nice how we had always stayed he same, we were ten years older and weren’t at school anymore, the rest was the same, apart from the fact that I was more depressed then back then…”uhm..i… I don’t know.” George shrugged. And it was clear they doubted of how curious I was. But this was the first time in ten years I really got intrigued by something.
The next day I heard a discussion in the shop and speeded down, but paralyzed when I saw Lucius in the shop. “ah Joan!”
“What the hell are you doing here again?! Get the hell out!” for a moment the authority that had been missing for ten years, was back. But my expression soon turned softer and Lucius now carefully approached. “Joan.. I’m not bringing bad news…only good…” nobody spoke so Lucius went on. “people have asked me a favour…people...asked for you..”
“they asked you for me?” I said sarcastically.
“yes!”
“Who the hell would ask you about me?!”
“people who know that I’m the father of you biggest love ever! I couldn’t find you, but I wasn’t the only one, Joan! People searched for you, but bloody Dumbledore and Snape hid you pretty well! You just vanished for years”
“..”
“Joan, I think you may be rather happy with the news I bring.”
“do you really think I can accept anything that comes out of your mouth as good?!”
“what about what I just said? About your two old friends…Albus and Severus.”
I as well as he twins didn’t know what to say, I wanted him to leave, but I also wanted to know what this news he brought was. He knew, I knew he did, so he went on.
“Someone you spoke to over ten years ago is very excited about seeing you, for ten years now, eight years ago he came to me and asked me to take over his searching, after a year I told him I couldn’t, he said that I couldn’t give up and if I ever tried to… but here, finally after eight years I did it. I found you.” It was as if he still needed to realize, telling himself over and over again. “Yeah, and why…” Lucius interrupted Fred: “No-one else then Viktor Kruml is the one who asked me to search you, Joan, how bad can the news be?”
“…”
“he’d want to talk to you, so I’ve sent him an owl yesterday..”
“you’ve what?!”
“calm down Weasley, he wouldn’t be the first celebrity to step in here, would he?”
“that reminds me, you should be in Azkaban!”
“he’ll come here tomorrow.”
“no he wont!”
“see you tomorrow, Joan”
“no wait, you…I can’t believe it, he just apparated! Jerk!”
“calm down Fred, who knows what happens.” Fred and George were both surprised, I talked like I used to again. They left the case, because the shop got busy.
That evening I felt Fred wanted to talk, but I didn’t want to. Like always, he knew and let me be.
The next day I was feeling strange, the shop was closed and after breakfast the boys and I started cleaning the house. Round half past one Mayjin started to barf, accompanied by Ploke and Garner, we realized it must have been Lucius with Kruml. So George opened the door, I already told him earlier to not sent them away. So George, against his will, let them in. Viktor how ever was excited to see him and shook both his and Freds hand. “Here she is!” Lucius said proudly in triumph. Viktor Kruml stared at me with a glaze of obsession. “hi” I said. “finally” he whispered. “disappeared for ten years, unbelievable. Then yet here, in one of the most famous shops, you are”
“uhm”
“hi, Joan Dhanes”
“hi..uhm.. want a drink?”
“I’d love one, thank you.”
“Malfoy?” He clearly wanted to answer, but the eyes of the twins were clear, so: “No thank you, dear, I’d better be going.” And so the four of us sat back at the table. Kruml took his time to recover of the shock that he had actually found me. But when George, impatient asked why the hell he needed me, he immediately began explaining. “ Do you remember how I admired your Quidditch skills, Joan?”
“I sure do.”
“Well, a few of my players have resigned and then a few more and because, I was the youngest player, I’m the only one left of the original team. I don’t know if you’re following Quidditch, but we suck, so I’d love you to train us and also would love it, if your team joined you.” Both the twins as well as I were overwhelmed and didn’t even consider the first minutes then I slowly said: “ I haven’t played in ten years.”
“players like you don’t break of a habit like that.”
“it would be kind of cool, wouldn’t it?”
“George! Joan can’t do that anymore! Besides what about the shop.”
“I think I’ll decide whether I can or can’t do it, thanks Fred.”
“But..”
“Ten years is long enough, don’t you think?”
“I know a lot of people who’d be so happy to hear you saying that, Joan!”
“What about you?”
“more then anyone else, I’ve waited long enough for…Joan, I think” I smiled at him and looked at George, they both looked like they once did and I realized, I hadn’t only brought myself down, but even the hilarious twins had gotten more serious, because of me, it was time to change it, and without considering I shook Kruml’s hand.
“uhm, small question, the shop?”
“you can live your ordinary live Mister Weasley! Only the evenings and sometimes weekends we’ll need you.”
“but…”
“I’m not asking you to move, I’m asking you to be the team I’m going to establish in England.” Now our mouths fell open. Nobody could have expected that. And all of the sudden I felt doubt again, not knowing were it came from. Fred saw it, so did George, so it was kind of clear. George who was already totally in the idea, wanted to stimulate me.
.”You’re a Gryffindor, you’re brave!”
“ once was, yes, but .. all life spirit and courage has taken out of me, I’m no Gryffindor anymore, I’m more like a Slytherin, I lived two months betraying my own boyfriend which led to his death, I have been sneaky and mean, like a serpent. Therefore, I am not dignified the name of a brave Gryffindor.”
“Joan…” Fred took my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “If you want to talk like that, see all sides, for ten years you’ve been in grieve now, that’s no thing a Slytherin would do. Believe me when I say to you, I know you best, better then any other man on this planet, you ARE a True Brave Gryffindor!” Whilst saying hat he shook me a bit as if he’d shake the words in, apparently it worked. I turned to Kruml and nodded. I suggested him to stay over till the next day and he gladly accepted it. He asked us all about the others, and did seem a bit disappointed to hear Hermione got married to Ron. And eventually he asked: “say Joan, what the hell have you been doing?”
“excuse me?”
“yeah, no-one could find you disappeared in your grieve…”
“exactly” and with that I went upstairs leaving an overwhelmed Kruml.
“you did that just perfectly Fred grinned when he got in to bed.” I smiled and threw my arms round him.