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 27. A strange hunger

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BerichtOnderwerp: 27. A strange hunger   wo feb 04, 2009 12:46 am

The next morning I wake up with the feeling of hunger to Draco. I felt guilty, because I’d promised myself I could make a slipper and work it the day afterwards. But the slipper didn’t make it easier as I first thought it would have, on the contrary, it got worse. When I walked in to the Great hall and saw him, that morning, I had to control myself, for not running over towards him and kiss him. But I told myself I shouldn’t. To bad though, after potions class, Draco threw over his bag, in front of my feet. I was last in class and looked at Snape, it was clear he planned on keeping me here. So I helped Draco getting his stuff together. “Thank you” he whispered, I struggled with myself and just remained looking down. He came closer and now whispered, with his nose against my hair “Joan?” I tried to pull my head away, but the longing came from both sides. I knew he felt the same way I did. We couldn’t be together, but longed for each other. I, eyes closed moved my head a little bit closer and I felt his face coming trough my hair to my face. He kissed my cheek and slowly went down my face.

“hum hum” Draco and I both jumped up, appalled. With our heads turning red we looked at Snape. “Joan, I need you to stay her a second” I nodded and quickly walked over him and heard Draco getting out. We stood there watching each other a while and then he broke the silence. “I’m disappointed in you, Joan”

“so am I, professor.” I knew he realised what it all was, so he turned around to the pensieve. But half way apparently changed his mind. “there isn’t any time left, I got to go, I’m trying to confirm your safety, seeing this actually didn’t made me very happy. But as I said, I’m off to the dark lord, go to Dumbledore Joan, it’s time to start.”

“What?” But Snape took his coat and left. So I ran up the stairs towards the office of professor Dumbledore. While walking there I realized this was strange, normally it was Harry who always ‘visited’ Dumbledore. Dumbledore and Harry was like Snape and me….well sort of. Then it was time to realize I didn’t know the password. Maybe Harry knows it, I thought, and then realized I hadn’t tell anybody anything about it, which wasn’t real good actually. While thinking of who, when and how I’d have to tell them all, I was still walking towards Dumbledore’s office. “ah Joan!” I startled when the headmaster called my name. I’ve been excepting you, come on in.” he said and walked up to his office. I followed him thinking I got in easier then expected. “you’ve been expecting me? Sir?”

“yes, Joan, apparently Voldemort is afraid of you, more then Harry, he’s distracted by a new character in the game. I didn’t expect him to be so reckless. Good for Harry, good for us, a distracted enemy is easier to fight, ain’t that right?”

“I assume so..”

“Because you are the new character you do deserve a bit of an explanation, I thought. Obviously professor Snape thought so to and handled sooner then I would have. He gave away things that should not had been given away, Joan. Luckily you appear to be very good at occlumensie, right? Professor Snape told me of your ‘equalities’ with him. This might be very handy. Since your beloved potions master already gave it away there is no use in being careful, normally you weren’t suppose to know Snape is our man, not Voldemort’s. you do, you, me and he himself are the ONLY persons who do, Joan, the only ones and I’d love to keep it that way, ok?” I nodded. “ well, you’ll even have to improve in occlumensie so no-one can possibly find out. You already know about how Voldemort aimed his attention to you, may god know why?”


“good, I’m thinking you could be handling the same way Snape is, only Snape has done it for the past seventeen years. You’ll be special in our history Joan, do you understand where I’m going?”

“not really, professor.” Dumbledore sighed.

“it’ll be though Joan, that’s all I can say now, first you need to inform Harry carefully, but you can’t give anything away yet, it is important to keep persons unaware of some stuff for their own safety, just tell him Voldemort is up to something and I asked the both of you to come by office this weekend. Can you do that?” I nodded



“you say it’s best to keep some people unaware of some stuff…are there things I, Snape don’t know?”

“professor Snape, Joan.. And no, it’s pretty important for the both of you to be informed of all and because you’re occlumenses there’s no great danger.” I nodded in understanding.

“good, now another thing, you need to explain, you and Draco?” he looked at me with blue eyes, giving away innocence, I wanted to tell, but couldn’t look in his eyes while I did. “we’re not together anymore…I still love him, even though I’m not sure weather he has ever loved me.”

“I’m quite sure he did, Joan. Now Snape said he wanted you guys to get away from each other, I say different. Don’t act like you know anything, Joan, not yet. Now off to Harry, only Harry, same for him, only you, ok?” he winked.

I as soon as I was half way the corridor started running towards the common room. When I got in I was happy to see the twins and Lee weren’t there. “Harry?” I asked. Harry looked up from wizard-chess, so did Ron, Hermione looked up from her books and Ginny lifted her head from Harry’s chest. “uhm, sorry, could I to you for a second?”


“could I explain that while talking?”

“Why so mysterious, Joan? Why can’t we know?”


“yeah sure” he stood up and gave Ginny a kiss and then followed me out of the common room. My ears worked good enough to hear Ginny say: “pff, there’s always something to that girl. “Joan?” Harry asked when we got out of the common room, but didn’t answer and kept walking. Harry followed. When we were outside I turned towards him: Harry, I’m going to keep this short, it’s important no-one knows. Ok?”


“Well, Professor Dumbledore asked me to come to his office and bring you along, this weekend.” Harry seemed a bit hurt, maybe because he always met Dumbledore. “ok” he said. I realised I hadn’t been very subtle and tried to restore. “I’m sorry, nobody may know except you and me. He hasn’t told me a lot about it, but he’s up to that this weekend. It’s about…Voldemort.” Harry now looked straight into my eyes and nodded, ok I’ll join you.” and we then, without an other word walked back to the common room. I lied pretty smoothly to him and felt a bit guilty but hid it well. Entering the common room Ron, Hermione and Ginny looked up. “hi” Harry said, I smiled at them and went straight to my dorm. I heard the three friends asking abut what happened. Harry shrugged and went on with his game. The next three days Snape wasn’t at school, I felt getting worried and didn’t know what to do or think. I knew Harry was constantly searching eye-contact, which I consciously avoided. I actually began to avoid everyone, I nearly spoke to Hermione and Ginny. Ron didn’t speak to me, because he still got afraid when I looked angry and the latest days I looked puzzled, he apparently found it bad enough. I was avoiding Fred to, without really knowing why myself. During practises I was the old me, but closed off more. And after practise (because no-one should know) Draco and I were what we were before. So it was Quidditch practise and afterwards I saw the entire dress room from an other angle. Friday I almost didn’t talk anymore even at practise I was quiet and didn’t practise along. Since I didn’t talk at all practise was lame. The players, especially second team didn’t practise, because I didn’t say anything at it. In the dress room I found back my voice. “I must say I’m very disappointed.” the team players all looked up in surprise. “If I don’t say anything you guys don’t practise. That means you don’t like Quidditch, or you just really want to lose the final.” I’d expected some mumbling, but instead everyone quietly and in shame looked to the floor. “you may all think there’s always something to me…” I saw Ginny turning red in the embarrassment and Ron gave her a look saying “if you want to backbite, then make sure they don’t hear you.”

“…And there indeed is. I‘m sorry, I don‘t chose for it, you guys on the other hand today decided to not to practise, because I don‘t feel well. I‘m sad to see how my team is not at all behind me. I‘ll not jump in on a match anymore if I remain in this positions, guys, I’m not at all happy” I said and then got back out as first and told the two second team’s beaters to clean. I went up straight to my dorm and for the first time avoided Draco again. I whistled and Mayjin immediately came with my upstairs and lied down on my bed. He was almost full grown and a beautiful dog. I turned over and fell a sleep.


-She was like the water that freezes inside a rock and breaks it apart. It was no more her fault than it is the fault of the water when the rock shatters.
-May the sun rise in you heart and you spirit run free.
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